the website of author and local favorite blake michael nelson | about | contact: theblakeshow@gmail.com
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NEWS AND VIEWS - NOVEMBER 2021
WRITING NEWS I've got a new book out: The White Ribbon and the Heart of the Night. This is the eighth (!) book in the Signalverse superhero series, and is a direct sequel to the fifth book, The White Ribbon Runs the Red Lights. It's a fun little adventure story starring Kaden (Skirmish) and Izzy (the White Ribbon), who get themselves into some pretty serious trouble after their mentor Quarterstaff goes missing. I think I made it accessible enough for anyone to just jump into it, but you'll probably get more out of it if you read the previous book first. My usual cover artist, Tom Martin, did the titles and the book design, but the actual cover art this time is by Josh Howard, who did a pretty great job I think: 
You can buy it here. Check it out! Meanwhile I'm still working on A City Burnished Silver, the third and probably final book in my Chemical Empires series. I'm about five chapters into it now. * * * * * * * * MY TOP TEN MOST WANTED GAME TRANSLATIONS At this point pretty much every really excellent Japanese RPG and visual novel has received some kind of an English translation/localization, either officially or through a fan translation. It took many, many years in some cases, but we eventually got our English-language versions of Policenauts, Seiken Densetsu 3, Bahamut Lagoon, Mother 3, Trails from Zero and Trails to Azure, Valkyria Chronicles 3, YU-NO, and so on, and new patches are being released all the time (for much more obscure games like Bloody Bride and Community Pom). There's a few that have never made it over, however, and some of these -- either for technical reasons or simply due to lack of interest -- probably never will. Here are my top ten most wanted game translations (because I'm too stupid/lazy to learn Japanese). 1) Tengai Makyo: The Apocalypse IV (Saturn). This is the fourth game in the Tengai Makyo series, a long-running Japanese RPG comedy series which began life on the PC Engine CD in 1989. These games were huge hits in Japan, especially the first two, but I've always been especially intrigued by the fourth game, for the Saturn, which takes place in a deliberately (and hilariously) screwed-up version of America in the 1890's. It's got cowboys, Jamaican bobsledders, evil state governors (who serve as bosses), and, according to Wikipedia, "a loudmouth baboon who [takes] control of Lake Tahoe", among other things. The character portraits are big and bold, and the whole thing just looks like a blast. Unfortunately, none of the mainline Tengai Makyo games have ever been localized (I don't think there are even any fan translations out there), and the uniquely Japanese humor of this fourth game probably wouldn't come across very well anyway. But I'd still love to play it. 2) Metal Slader Glory (SNES). This visual novel/adventure game, the last game ever released for the Famicom, had a troubled development history, but the final product became a cult classic; it really pushed the limits of what the Famicom could do. The Famicom version received a very good fan translation a few years ago (I played it and liked it) but I'd really like to see the SNES "Director's Cut" receive a localization as well. The SNES version has updated graphics and some additional scenes. 
3) Legend of Xanadu and Legend of Xanadu II (PC Engine CD). These are Falcom RPG's released for the PC Engine CD in the mid-90's. These are story-heavy games, fully voiced, with excellent presentations; Legend of Xanadu II in particular resembles a SNES RPG like Final Fantasy VI. I think they might be pretty fun. A fan translation of both of these games is apparently underway -- in fact they're even promising to replace the Japanese voices with an English dub -- but work on it seems to have stalled; it's been almost five years since we've heard anything from this group. 4) Linda3 (Saturn). An oddball RPG for the Saturn which I've long been curious about, Linda3 ("Linda Cubed") is about a guy who has to go around collecting animals and gathering them up into a spaceship before an asteroid hits and destroys his planet of Neo Kenya. Like the Tengai Makyo games, it sounds absolutely batshit insane; just read Hardcore Gaming 101's write-up of it here, and tell me this game doesn't sound interesting. 5) Shining Force 3 (Saturn). Shining Force 3 was originally released as three different scenarios in Japan, but only the first one was officially localized back in the late 90's. There is an ongoing effort to translate the remaining two scenarios (and to improve the quality of the first), and all three games seem to be at least playable at this point, but it looks like it's going to be a few years yet before the project is complete. 6) Wachenröder (Saturn). A Saturn SRPG with an unusual art style and a wonderful, moody soundtrack. The critical consensus seems to be that the art direction and story are great, but that the gameplay is a little lacking -- it's said to be very easy. That'd be okay with me, though -- I'm not a Dark Souls guy; I don't usually play games for the challenge. I'm more interested in the stories. 7) Soma Bringer (Nintendo DS). A nifty-looking DS action-RPG developed by Monolith Soft and released by Nintendo in Japan, Soma Bringer was one of those DS titles that somehow slipped through the cracks and never received a localization. The game has some unique mechanics and some really beautiful backgrounds, and features music by Yasunori Mitsuda, who worked on Xenogears and Chrono Cross. It appears to be a solid RPG -- maybe not a true classic, but it looks neat and I wouldn't mind trying it out. 8) Segagaga (Dreamcast). One of the very few RPG's released for the Dreamcast, Segagaga is an amusingly self-referential Sega RPG that, according to Kurt Kalata of Hardcore Gaming 101, "revels in its obscureness." Sega knew the Dreamcast was doomed, and financially the company was in a bad way at the time, so they made this whole game about a kid who takes it upon himself to save Sega from bankruptcy. Along the way the player interacts with Sega mascots like Sonic and Alex Kidd and does battle with other companies -- parody versions of Sega's rivals Sony and Nintendo. It's a big love letter to Sega's fans, and sadly -- probably because of the extremely in-jokey nature of the thing -- it was never released outside of Japan. There's been several attempts to fan-translate the game over the years, but for technical reasons none of them seems to have amounted to much. 
9) Venus & Braves (PSP). A beautiful-looking Namco SRPG that I don't know much about. The art style is fantastic, though. 10) Nanatsu Kaze no Shima Monogatari (Saturn). Lots of Saturn titles on this list. This one ("Story of Seven Winds Island") is an adventure game in which you play a dragon-thing called Garpu. Again, the hand-drawn 2D art style and animation is the selling point here, and the storybook-like concept is novel. I love these kinds of games. * * * * * * * * WHAT I'M WATCHING I recently finished watching Kevin Brownlow's highly-acclaimed documentary series, Hollywood: A Celebration of the American Silent Film, which you can find on YouTube (except for episode seven, which is blocked in the U.S. for some reason). This was a BBC series filmed in the early 1970's, at a time when many of the actors, actresses, directors, stunt men, and writers who worked during the silent film era were still alive, and many of them (Jackie Coogan, Gloria Swanson, Colleen Moore, King Vidor) were interviewed for the series. It's a fascinating look at a forgotten world; I highly recommend it. I then went on to watch several of the films mentioned in the series -- a bunch of the Clara Bow movies and some of the Douglas Fairbanks flicks. Two of my favorites turned out to be Colleen Moore's Ella Cinders, a cute rags-to-riches story which you can also find on YouTube, and King Vidor's The Crowd, an unusually unglamorous story about an ordinary guy and his ordinary troubles in the big city. 
* * * * * * * * REVIEW: HE-MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE: A BEASTLY SIDESHOW Here's a review/recap of an old episode of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe that I wrote a few years ago for another website. This episode of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe posits the existence of Eternian sideshows. Considering that Eternia is a land populated by talking cats (Cringer), anthropomorphic bees (Buzz-Off), guys with spring-loaded legs (Ram-Man), and citizens who regularly eschew pants in favor of fur underwear, this struck me as a pretty remarkable notion. What kind of freaks are on display in Eternian sideshows? Perfectly average human beings (wearing jeans and t-shirts), perhaps? Well, no. According to this episode, Eternians get a real kick out of giant monsters, animals, and guys who can shoot lightning out of their hands, despite the fact that all three of these things seem to be pretty common on their weirdo planet (let's face it, just about every character on this show can shoot lightning out of his hands). 
The episode begins at the Royal Palace. Prince Adam, Teela, Cringer, Orko, and a large crowd of Eternian citizens (all wearing very peculiar outfits) are standing around watching a carnival/sideshow roll into town. The creatures of the sideshow are all on prominent display in glass cages: a giant motionless snake, a gorilla-like monster with a single horn on its forehead, and an ordinary-looking white cat. This cat, we're told, is a female called "Pretty Kitty", and is the star of the show. Cringer instantly falls in love with her. The guy in charge of the sideshow is a menacing, bearded man with a snarly, raspy voice. With the attention of the crowd firmly fixed on his animal menagerie, he sneaks away and activates some kind of communication device. Surprise! Turns out this guy is actually Beast Man in disguise, doing the bidding of (who else?) Skeletor. Skeletor's plan this week is to use Pretty Kitty as bait to capture Cringer, Cringer as bait to capture Prince Adam, and Prince Adam as bait to capture He-Man. This is pretty typical Skeletor overkill: putting an entire sideshow together just to capture one talking cat. Beast Man reassures Skeletor that everything is going according to plan: Cringer, he explains, has developed an "interest" in Pretty Kitty. Skeletor is pleased, but calls him a furbrain anyway. (Beast Man suffers about the usual amount of abuse in this episode, getting called a "furbrain", a "furface", and a "fleabag" at regular intervals, not only by Skeletor but also by Evil-Lyn.) Meanwhile, Prince Adam and Teela and Cringer and Orko are enjoying the rest of the sideshow. "Look!" Teela exclaims, pointing at the stage. "The Human Electrode!" The Electrode, a goofy-looking guy, zaps a few lightning bolts into the sky, which doesn't strike me as all that impressive in a world where, as I said, pretty much everyone can do that, but hey, that's his act. "Wow," Adam says. "That's the guy who can create electricity with his hands!" Hey, yeah, thanks for pointing that out, Adam. (Upon seeing the bearded lady, Adam seems liable to remark, "Wow! That's the lady who has a beard!") Following this exchange, Orko proceeds to conjure up some pepper for some reason in a bid to outdo the Electrode's act, and somehow catches on fire or something (this is stupid, but believe it or not it actually becomes relevant later on). The disguised Beast Man returns to the scene a moment or two later and introduces the crowd to his giant horned gorilla. Ever the showman, Beast Man thrills the crowd by releasing the creature from its cage and basically siccing it on Teela. It grabs her, but she's able to calm it down with some soothing words -- much to the relief of Man-At-Arms, who, believing that his daughter was in danger, fired up a lightsaber (?) and made as if to fight the monster. "Another trick like that and I'll have you banished from the kingdom!" Man-At-Arms warns. Beast Man grumbles a sort-of apology and gets on with the act, releasing Pretty Kitty from her cage. PK's antics leave Cringer even more smitten. (It is perhaps worth pointing out that Pretty Kitty can't talk, and evinces no humanlike intelligence. Clearly Cringer is not interested in this babe's mind). 
That night, Pretty Kitty appears outside Prince Adam's bedroom window while he's sleeping. Cringer, who sleeps on the floor in Adam's bedroom, is awakened to the sound of her growling and jumps out the window to meet her acquaintance. She quickly leads him back to the sideshow, where Beast Man easily captures him. "Next stop, Snake Mountain!" the hirsute villain announces. The next day, Prince Adam and Man-At-Arms realize that Cringer is missing (he didn't show up for breakfast), and that his disappearance has conveniently coincided with the sideshow leaving town. Their suspicions are confirmed when Orko flies in to inform them that they've just received a handwritten message from Skeletor demanding that Prince Adam show up at Snake Mountain if he wants to see Cringer again. Adam quickly transforms into He-Man and rushes off to rescue Cringer. At Snake Mountain, Skeletor, Evil-Lyn and Beast Man watch He-Man's approach (climbing up the mountain) on a crystal ball. (Skeletor activates this crystal ball by pressing a single red button situated on the armrest of his throne of bones, which I thought was kinda funny.) The trio is astonished at their good luck: they were expecting Prince Adam, not He-Man, but it was He-Man they were after all along anyway, so now they don't have to bother with capturing Adam as bait. "Our plan is working better than we expected," Beast Man slurps. "My plan, furface," Skeletor shrieks, "and don't you forget it!" Evil-Lyn then talks about the trap they've set for He-Man, for the benefit of the audience. Their brilliant plan? To have him fall through a trapdoor and into a pit containing a monster called the "Octobeast". Skeletor and his minions are confident that He-Man will not be able to overcome this creature. So...let me get this straight. The villains went to the trouble of setting up an entire sideshow (outfitting Beast Man with a disguise, inviting the Human Electrode to perform for them) to capture Cringer, as a roundabout way of drawing He-Man to Snake Mountain...and all they've got in store for him on their home turf is a trapdoor and a single monster? 
As confident as the villains are in this lame plan, they decide it couldn't hurt to send the horned gorilla from the sideshow after He-Man as well, while he's busy climbing up the mountain. The gorilla (they call it a "shadowbeast") manhandles our hero for a second or two, but is calmed once again by Teela, who has shown up on the scene looking for the missing Adam. He-Man continues up the mountain, while Teela proceeds to wander around getting into trouble. Inside Snake Mountain, He-Man rescues Cringer (who helps him avoid the Octobeast trap), and goes on to fight both Beast Man and Evil-Lyn (both battles are, of course, very brief and very poorly animated), before making his way to Skeletor's inner sanctum. There, Skeletor pulls that old trick of making himself appear in a bunch of different mirrors and taunting He-Man about how he'll never guess which image of himself is the "real" one. He-Man solves the dilemma by throwing Orko's pepper shaker -- which I guess he's been carrying around in his fur underwear this whole time-- at Skeletor; the pepper causes Skeletor to sneeze and shatter all the mirrors. I'm not sure how Skeletor could inhale pepper, seeing as how he doesn't really have a nose, but I don't know, maybe his sinuses still work or something. He-Man, of course, fails to pursue Skeletor after he runs away, which is, sadly, typical. Instead, he finds and rescues Teela, who had managed to get herself captured by Evil-Lyn earlier. He informs her that he has Beast Man and Evil-Lyn both locked up in a cage somewhere. "Don't worry," Teela says. "I'll see that they get what's coming to them in an Eternian court of law!" Wait, what? An Eternian court of law? Eternia has a court system? And creatures like Evil-Lyn and Beast Man are processed in it? I guess you learn something new every day. Anyways, He-Man and Teela and Cringer make it back home, and everyone laughs at Orko after the pepper makes him sneeze again, and He-Man delivers the moral, which is something about courage. So far as He-Man episodes go, it's pretty average...the whole sideshow angle doesn't really amount to much, and the dreaded Octobeast, on which much of the story seems to hinge, never even appears (it probably would've cost too much to animate the thing). The focus on Cringer isn't all that interesting, either; I like Cringer, but he's basically just another silly comic relief character, like Orko and Ram-Man (always cracking some dumb joke). Not bad, not great. |
